Written by: Amanda Teo (Photo by: Lee Wei Jie)

Anxiety isn’t just
An emotion,
A state of mind,
A medical diagnosis.

I don’t know what anxiety is.
But I’ve grown
To what anxiety
Sounds, feels, tastes like.

Anxiety sounds like:
The creaking open of scratchy doors
In the middle of the night
Footsteps are following you
As you return home
A murderer is waiting to attack you
When you least expect it
Anxiety screams in your ear
You’re doomed for
Death, isolation, failure

Anxiety makes you feel like
Sanity is dismissing you
As you try your best to hang on to
Hope that’s slowly slipping
Even in your successes
You find errors brightly glowing
You’re asleep, but never resting
Awake, but never alive
Numb, paranoid,
“I’m done, so done, with life.”

It’s edgy and dry
At the back of your mouth
You taste the dread
And senseless regret
Sometimes it turns sour and gut-wrenching
As you imagine the pain within
Killing you
From the inside out
It’s never sweet or kind
or palatable to your mind
And then suddenly,
All tastes start waning.
You lose all senses,
All sounds, feels, tastes
And it leaves you in
Apprehension and disquietude.

But Anxiety is not you
And you don’t have to succumb
To this mindless decrepitude
Anxiety can be silenced
In a moment
One second
As you look up to
The maker of peace
The one who calmed the storm
The one who conquered death
The one who made you
Chose you
Saved you
Loves you

Anxiety is a choice
To go against your flesh
To stand up in your spirit
To find the strength
To look into the mirror
To say every day
“In Jesus’ name
It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay.”

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-8‬ ‭(NIV)


AMANDA'S heart longs to see true worship, identity, and the pursuit of purity restored in the Singaporean body of Christ. She enjoys taking walks in the park, and the traditional $1 atap seed ice cream cone is one of the best local desserts to her. She often processes her days and moments through handlettering and poetry — read more @byamandagrace.


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