Written by: Amanda Teo (Photo by: Lemuel Teo)

What do you do when your dreams are so far away from reality? [Inspired from an interview with In Merry Motion]

“Ultimately, God is our CEO and He is the one who runs our business. Because He is in charge, we are able to hold In Merry Motion loosely, trusting in His timing and plans. We have learnt that In Merry Motion does not define us, instead our identity is found in Him, as His children,” said Joyce Li, co-founder of In Merry Motion — a company that specialises in crafting and designing bespoke decorations for social occasions.

Her words wailed in my head like a siren and flipped on every dusty switch in my memory. Midway through an interview with the founders of In Merry Motion, I could barely contain the immensity of the reminder and affirmation I found in their words. “In Merry Motion does not define us, instead our identity is found in Him” kept running through my mind.

Having learnt ballet since I was four years old, dance subtly became inseparable with who I was. At 15, I was dancing 5 days a week, 2.5 hours each session straight after school. It was the only thing I knew in my life; dance was the escape from the stress in school, and the sanctum in every storm. It assumed my identity, and ‘dance’ soon became synonymous with ‘God’ in my life, though I dared not admit it at that time.

When I turned 16, I applied to two prestigious dance schools in Melbourne, Australia. I thought I had found my calling in life as I took that step of faith: to be a professional dancer. Or maybe not. Due to circumstances — which I only understood four years down the road — the failure to enter into both schools launched me on an agonising journey of losing my lifelong dream. I was thrown into a 3 year-long downward spiral of losing dance, and ultimately, losing myself.

Ballet, contemporary, ballroom, latin, hip-hop — I fell in love with many genres of dance in the span of 14 years in the studio. Yet, along with the love, difficult challenges and circumstances arose, causing to me quit. It wasn’t before long when my life was devoid of dance for an entire six months and I hit rock-bottom.

I questioned my gifting, my calling, my identity. I accused God for creating me to love dance, and yet, not making me the best at it. As the dream slipped away from my life like the morning mist, feelings of abandonment settled like grudging sediment in my heart. Voices in my head started tormenting me that I was a betrayer to dance, having thrown it aside so easily. Too tired to pursue any ambitions, I gave up.

It was in that fetid pit, in the gallows of life, when His gentle voice came through so clearly. “My daughter, my daughter, rest in Me. Don’t lose hope for I have a plan for you. Will you entrust your dreams into My hands and obey My call for you?” With the little I had left, I held on to the fast-disappearing trace of hope, and my heart bowed in obedience. This marked the beginning of a surrendered spirit and a joyful heart.

Credit: In Merry Motion

As I sat in the meeting room with Joyce and Weiyan from In Merry Motion, my soul resonated with their story of obedience, surrender, joy, and fruitfulness. Between smiles and stories exchanged, I was deeply reminded of God’s call for me to surrender myself — “it is only in letting go, will you really get a hold of it.”

God has placed desires and dreams within us, but too often have we taken these dreams like a personal mission, instead of a spiritual adventure with God. We unplug our passions from the power source, and we wind ourselves up to produce results that will never suffice. Only when we die to ourselves, and realise the dire need for the Giver of these dreams, shall we find fruitfulness in our toils.

Jesus said in John 12:24, “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

As His children, with every God-given dream that we want to pursue, there are two calls:

1. Call to Surrender

Often, we find ourselves going full throttle with our eyes affixed solely on the dream, that we stop pursuing the Creator. We become so “obedient” to the pursuit of that goal, that we grow deaf and disobedient to the One who called us. We will only find ourselves striving from a place of self-reliance, and allowing our successes to define us, when He should be our only source of identity.

This is when we have to surrender it to God, maybe even more than once. The goal is to find our identity in Him, instead of the dream. Letting the reins on our dreams loose is never easy, but like how Abraham gave Isaac up to the Lord, or how Moses was given up as a baby to save his life, we have to trust that He knows what He is doing. God wants us to succeed in life more than we can ever help ourselves.

2. Call to Rest and Rejoice

In that sacred place of obedience and surrender, where ashes are traded for beauty, things may not always go as planned. Yet, He calls us to rest in His grace and power, and to rejoice in every situation.

In the endless wrestle with responsibilities that are far too heavy to carry, I meditated upon Jesus’s words in Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG) — “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

It is in His unforced rhythms of grace, that I found the peace and strength to rest in His amazing love, and the joy to rejoice in every season. “It has not been an easy journey, but we have learnt to walk every step with God. If this business deal is from Him, it will work out. If it doesn’t work out, then it isn’t for us.” – Weiyan from In Merry Motion

As we choose to walk in obedience, let us learn to hold our pursuits loosely, and trust in the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Knowing that God is constantly working things out for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), may we realise the inheritance we have as His children (Read Joseph’s article on this). Let us re-learn what it means to rest and rejoice in the midst of struggle and confusion.

In answering His call to pursue our dreams, may we answer the call of Mark 8:35 — “for whoever wants to save their life, will lose it, but whoever loses their life for Me and for the gospel, will save it.”

It is in the dying of a dream, that it shall truly live.